I have wanted to do something for myself for years. Now now, don’t go getting all perverse and think I have some long running desire to pleasure myself.. I have a sex-on-a-stick husband to do that for me. You bunch of disgustingtons.
I have two college degrees. I hate both of them. I have long desired to go back to school and do something that sets my soul on fire. Because at the end of the day, if your soul isn’t ablaze, are you really living?
I have toyed with many many career options; some fun, some practical, some would have required I pack my family up and move 4 hours away (let me tell you, that was one of the most appealing aspects of that particular schooling). But I never really pulled the trigger on any of them. Some because of cost, some because of practicality, some because I just plain and simple feel too old to do a long term program. I am not “old” but I sure as shit am no longer a spring chicken (and thank hell for that, chickens are fucking ugly!)
I had one program picked out, had the funding all figured out, figured out scheduling for practicums and all that nonsense, and then less than two weeks later, I found myself pregnant with my youngest son. I find that more often than not, if I plan something for myself, I am met with some form of push-back from the universe, or my children. Or some heinous combination of both.
My kids are great. Lets just get that out of the way now, so I don’t get any assbags climbing up my nose because I didn’t praise them enough or properly. BUT! That being said, they are sometimes real cock-blocks (so to say, and sometimes actually literally). It is some universal bullshit blowback that when a mom decides to be something other than just a “mom” something explodes in her regular routine and throws a proverbial wrench into her plans. This can’t possibly only happen to me.. and if it does, fuck you, universe!
I realize that my life exists mostly in “murphys law” (hell, I once wrote a book and I even named that thing “In the life of Murphy”… no, it’s never been published… sure I have thought about it, dreamed about it, but again, never pulled the trigger…) But I think after this many decades of doing shit only for others, it was time to do something for me.
So, two days ago, I pulled the trigger. Application sent. Now we wait. Am I worried that I will get in? No. The prerequisites are so basic, I could have been accepted even if I had done high school like my husband did (haha sorry honey!) I wanted to start in September, because lets face it, after this many years of waiting, I didn’t want to wait for another 6 months. But alas, because of some plans we already have made for September, and the fact that I am a “ne-‘er do well” and can not acquire a student loan, I settled for January. And come hell or high water, barring any more children coming down with some form of life-threatening illness (thanks middle child…) I WILL be starting on January 8th… possibly the oldest college student known to man. Yes, I realize that is a massive exaggeration, but fuck do I feel old (thanks to the aforementioned middle child and his life threatening illness, and the fact that I actually am old…)
But this is for me. All for me. We don’t “need” the money. I don’t “need” to work. But I am fucking sick of being mom and wife, and little more. My kids will all be in school full time in the fall, and while I know my job with them will never technically end (right, mom? *wink wink*) I feel like their need for my undivided attention is beginning to dwindle. And doing school online is good – I will still be home for my middles busted ass pancreas, to take my oldest to volleyball and school dances, and to go to my youngests show and tell and special days. Oh yeah, and I will still get to spend time with my husband during the day, because his schedule only takes him away from us on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights… yes, it is badass, I agree! So, I will get to be me, better me, and still be what everyone else needs me to be, too. And this will give me more excuses to bat my eyes and ask my husband to pick up a bit more slack around the house, and anything that keeps me from having to cook every meal is absolutely fantastic! Cuz really, fuck cooking. Guess my hubby is gonna have to learn how to cook keto, hahaha!
So anyways, this is just a very long-winded way to share my pseudo exciting news. And now you know. Carry on……