Shine over the breaks… 

My friend said something to me that struck a chord – and not in the way that brings upon backlash.. Nay nay.. This is me.. Instead, I sat and let it fester and thought about it for hours. 

She told me that I seemed sad, but she was worried my sadness was so great, it would turn into anger and it would seep into all areas of my life. To which I replied “I am angry!” And typing that sentence is a whole new ball game. It makes it true and brings it to life. That’s entirely different than just feeling angry. Admittance is the first step, after all 😉 

Sure, I know I’ve felt mad and angry and betrayed. But I keep trying to focus on the good, and let the other shit be water under the bridge. Like shit creek – just stinking it up and floating about. But I guess I wasn’t really aware of how stinky I have been allowing myself to feel. 

I tell my husband all the time how happy I am, how much I love our life, how happy he makes me, how happy the boys make me, how much I love my job (and his job, for that matter) and how excited I am for our future. But I guess I let the bad outweigh the good, and it’s starting to overshadow the shiny stuff. THAT IS NOT GOOD! Shiny stuff is the tits and should be celebrated for how awesome it is, not overshadowed by some stinky creek water. 

So I decided that this weekend is gonna be all about healing my owies and working on fixing what I feel is broken. People say “don’t fix it if it ain’t broke”… Well, if my shiny shit is being seen as dull, then I guess that means something is broke. 

I have to really learn to let things go and move on.. I carry way too much hostility and grudges. I need to learn to exhale and release. I’ve never been good at that. I am someone who will hold a grudge until the end of time. That’s not healthy! So I’ll do my personal development, maybe some journaling.. Write down what hurts and sucks, and see how much tarnish I can get off.

I know I’ll never be brand new and shiny again – once you break this many times, you’re always going to show signs of wear and tear. But, I will work on gluing those breaks back together, and maybe shining over them. 

There is so much good in my life. Thinking back to where I’ve come from and what I’ve dealt with, I shouldn’t complain. Life is only going up and getting easier for me. I’ve come so far… That’s what I have to keep in mind – onward and upward. 

I just hope I haven’t damaged myself beyond repair. My husband is the king of silver linings, and I know he will never let me only see the bad.. And he believes I am not irreparably damaged – so, let’s go with that.  

 

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The “mom burn-out”

mom

The “Mom burn-out”… it happens to the best of us. And those of us who swear it hasn’t are either lying, have wine in their reusable starbucks tumbler at all times, or are some mutant form of superhuman. But for the rest of us, it is a real thing, and it can really suck.

I find that my worst mom burn-outs tend to coincide with the month of August. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! I adore my children, but summers can be a bit tricky with the difference in their ages. My oldest is caught between 12 and 13 (read: a sweet child and a moody-ass teenager) and my youngest is just an adorable little 3 year old. The filling to my son-oreo (cuz he’s the middle, get it??) is 10. So, there is a bit of a gap, and a plethora of mixed interests.. so while summer starts out with a bang, it tends to just end with an explosion. There is arguing about outdoor activities, tv shows, xbox games, board games, movies… everything down to what we eat for dinner. And this is not due to a lack of activities! They have all been sent on their fair share of outings, camps, bla bla bla.. it is just the way of the world. End of August = grumpy kids and burned out moms.

But the sweet smell and sound of school is just around the corner (for those of us who haven’t already sent our kiddos back) Last week I ordered their school supplies, which were delivered 2 days ago (best thing ever! School supply shopping is the bane of my existence), their back packs are on their way (barring any issues at customs, they should show up on time), their clothes and shoes have been bought, the little adorable ice packs for their lunch boxes are freezing in the freezer, and snacks and juice boxes have already been stocked. All I need now is their lunch boxes, and we are set. I went a bit OCD this year, and am prepared a bit before schedule, but it’s okay! That means we get to spend the last week we have of summer holidays, together, as a family. Well, as long as their crummy mood swings and attitudes don’t get them sent to a quiet area too many times 😉

Mom burn out is exhausting. But every day brings a fresh start and a hope that it will be better than the last. And every day IS better than the last, because I get to look into their beautiful blue and brown eyes, hear their amazing and contagious laughs and listen to their voices telling me the greatest stories ever. Burn out is exhausting, but if it means I get to have these days, even the ones that are hard as freaking hell, then it is worth it. When my little boys hug me, when they tell me about their days, when I hear them say “I love you” or hear my little guy call me his princess…. my heart explodes and tells the burn out to suck it. Totally worth it.