There are a few things in this world that just drive me up the wall. It is not the typical stuff like most people, like nails on a chalkboard (oddly, I can handle that noise) But the sound of the old school brushes wiping chalk off drove me nuts. Forks scraping on plates is one noise that I can not tolerate, no matter how hard I try. Try it with me just to irritate me, and I will take said fork and stab you repeatedly with it.
Moving on… (in a second, you will appreciate that pun.. or not.. but if you don’t, you are dead inside)
One thing I can NOT stand is the feel and smell of cardboard. And several times, even the sight of it makes me crazy. Why? Well, partially because I am crazy. But also partially because cardboard is woven of tiny fibers sent here from hell itself (unless you are at Costco, then it is absolute heaven! But that is not what I am getting at). You may be wondering why I liken cardboard to the “welcome mat” to hell, well I will tell you! Because where there is a plethora of cardboard, there is empty spaces on shelves, cleaned out cupboards and baron drawers. What am I saying? If you can’t figure this out, there is no help for you that extends past Judy Blume novels. Moving. MOVING! Lovingly wrapping your nicknacks into paper and bubblewrap and putting them into an array of brown boxes, with hideous orange and green printing on it.
Fucking u-haul boxes filled with my earthly possessions, scattered all over my newly disorganized and increasingly messy house. Tell me something, how the hell is it possible that while all of your crap goes into boxes, you suddenly have an onslaught of filth all over your floor! Where does it come from!? Seriously. Do the boxes just produce garbage and throw it around while you sleep? For real. This is ridiculous.
My husband and I despise moving. But due to some unforeseen circumstances, we just happen to have to move quite frequently. Foreclosures that were forced upon us by our wonderful saintly exes (sense the sarcasm!), landlords selling the house we were living in (those two were rampaging imbeciles, and we were more than happy to move as we learned that the dude was actually a wanted criminal in the states…aaahhh!!!), living in a condemnable shithole, and now! This house has earwigs, a dishwasher that insists on recreating Lake Placid in my kitchen every time I use it, and a multitude of other issues…. so we have found a new place. And every time we get to choose our place, we are taking a step back up and pushing towards our future, and that makes me happy. It is taking us some time to dig back out of the mud, but as of lately, it feels like the mud is only on our feet, which is a nice change from the head to toe shit we were once covered in.
But the boxes. DAMN THE BOXES!! Ugh, cardboard is abhorrent and I despise it. Hopefully after this move, we can sit for a while, until we buy a house.. then onward and upward! Hopefully we can win the lottery and I can have someone pack for me. Ah, wouldn’t that be amazeballs!
But for now, damn the boxes.