I have spent a few days pondering this thought, after a very intense talk with a friend. This girl I know, who is important to me, asked the question “what do you do when your relationship with someone is swaying like a pendulum?” And it got me thinking… What do you do?
This particular conversation was based on platonic relationships, not partners. (just so we are clear, this isn’t a “divorce or not” post) And it made me think! … when someone is in your life, then not, then back, then not.. what do you do?
It has to be hard to keep your heart open for long periods of time, not knowing if the next day it will be broken again, or if it will be another week or month, or even year. I know that friendships ebb and flow, and people get busy and all that nonsense, but that is not what this is about. This is about people who come into your life, and then end up hurting you, leaving, and then come back and act like absolutely nothing is wrong… never an apology, never an explanation, nothing. Just poof, gone… poof, back.
This particular girl was dealing with some pretty shitty individuals who were taking her for granted, mistreating her, abusing her kindness and generally making her feel like crap. I can imagine that sort of treatment would make anyone sad! But when it is people you have learned to depend on, and care for, it must hurt even more. And what makes it worse is that it is people who should NEVER behave this way.. people who are so close, they are like family.. people who know her whole life story, and have huge parts in certain parts of it.
Betraying someones trust is brutal heinous, but to do it to someone who put so much trust and faith in you? Ouch. I really don’t have a lot of nice things to say about anyone who abuses someones trust like that, or anyone who betrays someone they’re supposed to be there for.
Makes me think about that picture… “if you want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request, don’t stand in the door, you’re blocking the traffic”
That is so true! If you don’t intend on being in someones life, like actually IN their life, leave them be. Don’t stand in the doorway, taking up space, and possibly blocking the path of someone who wants to be there. Move your ass and move on.
I feel bad for my friend. The issues she is having make my heart hurt. Nobody should ever question trust in someone who is supposed to be completely trustworthy and dependable. She found out that there has been some backstabbing, some sneaking around with people who have no right to know about her life, some secret spilling to unsavory people who don’t need to know those secrets, some plotting and planning and conniving with other people who have hurt her, some shit talking, some bashing, some name calling… and yet these people still smile to her face and act like everything is all good. That almost strikes me as the worst betrayal.. That is like some “wolf in sheeps clothing” kinda shit… And that is why she asked my opinion. Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees when you are too deep in it… and in this case, hard to see which are sheep, which are wolves, and which are the cross-dressers.
Honestly, with “friends” like that, you genuinely don’t need enemies! So she is doing her best to distance herself, but as she said “there is just so much history, it is making it hard to walk away”. I don’t think that putting in any amount of time gives anyone the right to act like total douchecanoes. Time passing is just something that happens. It doesn’t mean that there needs to be a code of solidarity, regardless of the insane level of shit-hole treatment. (and this is why divorce lawyers are so rich.. but that is for a different post.. haha)
I say, close the door, and eventually someone will be at the door, knocking to come in, because they want to be there, and it will erase some of the pain from the people who are no longer welcome at that doorway. And make sure that your heart has a door that locks, and rid yourself of the rotating door.
I don’t think that dicking people around is EVER okay. And stabbing people in the back deserves a giant junk punch. With a sledgehammer.
But, that’s just my opinion.