What would you do if you knew you could not fail…

HA! This is such a loaded question. The dreamers would admit their deepest dreams and wishes. The realists would scoff because failure exists all around us. And anyone who has ever been through a messy divorce would probably rattle off a list of illegal activities (could not fail = no jail time) I believe that parts of me land in all of these categories.

However, for me, the “what would you do” list is short. I would write. I realize the irony considering that is what I am doing to make this declaration, but I mean like write-write. For a living. For life. I dream of the day I could sit on my couch (much like I am doing now) and write blogs and books and articles that people get excited about, that they tell their friends about, that they look forward to, that they turn into movies that people fall in love with. THAT is my dream life.

There is just something about watching your inner dialogue spill out onto the “page” and tell a story that no one else on earth has ever imagined or lived.. Allowing your mind to wander and create these imaginary worlds where anything is possible, and only your imagination is the limit. It gives me a surge of accomplishment to see something that I dreamed up become something that someone else could read and identify with. It is a special connection, and I love it. And it isn’t even make-believe story telling, even with my silly blogs.. who knows who is reading this (thank you to the, like, 3 people who actually read these! Haha) but something I say, or something I have lived through, may strike a cord with someone and help them.. even if all it does it help them to escape their reality long enough for them to just simply smile, that’s enough for me to feel accomplished.

I was at my kids school the other day, and a friend told me she enjoyed my blog. I was a bit taken aback, because I didn’t know anyone really read it! (for real, if 3 people read this, I would be shocked!) But it made me smile! I would love it if that became my whole life.

I even took it so far as to sit down one day and write a book. I decided one day that I wanted to, and two weeks later, there it was. I wrote this very easy “beach” read that included a lot of my own personal stories, but for the most part, is just a happy-feel-good kind of story. Nothing huge or award winning, but the few people who’ve read it seemed to like it. I even wrote half of a sequel. But half-way through, I lost my grandma. I bounced ideas off of her all the time, even told her about the cover art I had designed. And she was there one day and gone the next, and with that, I closed the writing program on my laptop, and didn’t look at it again for years. And years. I opened it a couple years ago and started reading it again, and it made me sad. Not sad because my writing was sad, but because it flashed me back to 2009 and my chest started hurting. I looked at what I was writing when she passed, and I have no idea where I was taking that story, so I guess that book will never exist in the capacity that it should have.

I sometimes toy with the idea of having it published, but because I am such a pessimist (when it comes to myself), I don’t think it ever would. And if it did, would anyone read it? There is a lot of vulnerability with presenting the world with your words – your soul in print. The product of your own imagination and brainchild, bits of your life, bits of your heart, out there for public consumption.. it’s scary!

But if I could do one thing and know I wouldn’t fail, it would be having it published. Because I owe it to my grandma to follow through with my dream, like she was watching me do before she went away. I even wrote the dedication:

For Grandma

I love and miss you.

Forever.

 

And if nothing else, THAT deserves to be read.

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