Sleep? I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with that term..

Sleep and me have a sorted past.. a very tumultuous and rocky history. I remember, once upon a time, I considered myself to be a very solid sleeper. Then, I turned 13. I remember taking my very first sleeping pill.. it was horrible. It was the night before a big basketball tournament. I was stressed out and nervous about the game, and someone in my life thought it would be wise to give me a sleeping pill. Okay, sure, I will take one. At that point, I hadn’t slept for a few nights. I remember laying in my bed, with my best friend on the foamies on my bedroom floor, watching Jay Leno on my tiny little tv. Then I saw Care Bears dancing across the top of them. I asked her if I was out of my mind, and she almost giggled herself silly. Then, the people on my posters began to break free and dance around my walls… and smoke started coming out of my walls. To say it was a trip would be a grody understatement. We found out a few years later that those particular pills were taken off of the market because they were creating acid-like side-effects. That explains a lot!

Fast forward to my 20’s. More issues with insomnia. Other than when I had kids, which is completely expected… this time, the insomnia is linked to my thyroid. Explainable, but still a pain in the ass. My doctor tries me on yet another type of sleeping pill, and it works wonderfully! I was sleeping like a rock. However, this, too, came with an unpleasant side effect. These ones brought upon boughts of insane truth bombs! Like, the most absurd shit I had deep inside of me, and it would come just spewing forth about a half an hour after I took my sleeping pill. My boyfriend (now husband) thought it was hilarious and would always call me a half an hour after I took them. I don’t remember a lot of those talks, but he does. And he said it was some of the most amusing talks he has ever had with someone. I do remember rambling on one night about wanting pizza and pancakes (which is still an ongoing joke for us). And one night I told him not to eat crackers in bed cuz they leave crumbs. So insightful, and abundantly helpful.

Now I am, once again, swirling in a weird good sleep/bad sleep tornado. If I take the proper supplements at bedtime, I sleep fine. But when I run out, and forget to get more, I sleep like absolute rubbish. This is where I am right now. I keep forgetting to buy my magnesium. It helps me sleep so good, and the bonus? It shuts the swirling thoughts off! And I feel actually rested when I wake up. But I haven’t had any for weeks, and my sleep has sucked and suffered. And the noises from outside my window aren’t helping.

Speaking of which.. damn all the big trucks! I have texted that to my husband several times over the past few weeks. I live in this little cul-de-sac. I think it is 12 houses. And there are 17 trucks. Seventeen! It may not seem like a lot, but if you aren’t familiar with my city, these are no normal trucks. They are jacked up, absurdly mufflered, rig rocket, douche-mobiles. They are SO LOUD they actually wake my husband up, and he sleeps through me hitting him at night! (he snores, don’t paint me as a spouse abuser) One of them sounds like an honest-to-god train! A train! Come one people, trucks should never be mistaken for trains! That’s just insane. Ten of them are these huge jacked up monsters, probably driven by men with tiny dicks. Two of them are welding trucks. That may not mean much to normal people, but anyone who lives here will understand that. It makes me feel insane in the middle of the night when they drive in. But I will just breathe and exhale, and cut them a teeny bit of slack.. I can’t imagine it is easy for them, what with their tiny dicks and always peeing all over their balls… BAHAHAHAA!! That’s not nice. But I am too tired to care!


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