I had a very hilarious and bizarre conversation with my 4 year old today. I am thinking it may start a branch-off to a whole new segment on here “Conversing with my 4 year old” Cuz let’s be honest, he is bizarrely hilarious and I think that people would benefit from hearing what I listen to all day, every day. But for today, I am just going to let you in on one of the absurd things that transpired.
We (my husband, myself and our son) finally cracked the mystery to why women get the shit-end of the stick. Cuz let’s face it – being a woman is no picnic. Sure, it’s not all that bad cuz when we feel ugly, MAKEUP – and it’s perfectly acceptable! And when our pants don’t fit, YOGA PANTS – and it’s perfectly acceptable! When we get bored with our hair, BANGS! – and it’s perfectly acceptable! Men don’t have these options – well, they do, but it is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. But I digress – being a woman has it’s moments of pure suckage. (I may tm that word, haha!) We have boobs to contend with at an age where we still have no idea who we are. Then we get the blessed woman shit that sticks with you for over half of your life (glorious). Then comes all of the unwritten rules and sexual politics…. We have to grow our hair out, so it looks like VS model hair (cuz apparently guys like having something to grab on to, or so I have heard) but our body hair has to cease to exist, and we have to be smooth like the butt of a baby. Our nails have to be perfectly manicured, same with our toes. Our skin has to be soft and smooth and free of dryness. We have to smell good, but not smell too strong. We have to have curves and be strong, but not too strong. We have to have sing-song voices and a pleasant sounding laugh. Our boobs need to be propped up and perky. Our underwear needs to be flossed up our ass cracks. Everything needs to be just-so, and we should do it all with a smile on our faces.
Then, once we have handled all of this, and possibly found someone who appreciates our situation, we get pregnant! Yes, cuz being a woman with all of that isn’t hard enough, please introduce a foreign creature into our insides, who takes our sleep, patience, stability, center of gravity, figure, appetite, intelligence, memory, hair texture, foot size, eye sight, etc, and blows it the EFF UP! I’m not saying pregnancy isn’t magical, cuz it is nothing short of a miracle, but that shit messes you up, inside and out! And then there is the actual act of child-birth. HOLY SHIT! I am not even going to delve into that right now, because that is really a topic for a different post.
Back to my initial point – the 4 year old and the difference between men and women. While I did not get into all of this with him, we did point out a few differences.
He looked at me and said “Mommy, I want to have a baby in my tummy” And I said “no sweetie, only girls have baby’s in their tummys. Boys don’t have babys” and he asked why. And I said, without thinking much about it “Women have baby’s, and men stand to pee” And my husband piped up and said “That seems fair to me!” SO! Apparently because women get a “break” every time they go pee, and get to sit down and relax while urinating, that it balances out in the end. Men stand to pee, and exert all of that energy over the course of their lives, while women get to sit. So, to balance it out and create a level playing field, women go through the rest of that shit, and are the ones who have baby’s, to make up for the sitting-to-pee.
Sure. I think we may have cracked the lifelong debate and battle of the sexes. Seems legit! hahaha….