What to do, what to do!?

I am finding myself in the midst of a real conundrum.. and it has totally stumped me as to what my next step should be.

See, I have been seeing this specialist in Edmonton (4 hours away) for over a year. And although I live in Canada (land of free health care) I pay a very pretty penny to see him. It was something I decided to do after many many years of not getting the proper treatment to fix my thyroid and autoimmune disease. So off we went, in hopes that this would be my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I have been through the ringer when it comes to my thyroid, and I am pretty much completely sick of fighting and trying and searching for someone to fix me. I have seen numerous doctors, naturopaths, specialists… tried different thyroid meds, supplements, vitamins, juices, food restrictions, diets, exercise… and to no avail.

So, back to the current situation. The expensive specialist. It has been a year. I have done everything he has told me to, and all that has happened is I am now downing upwards of 15 pills a day, and gained 25 pounds. SOOOOO not the goal I was hoping to achieve. Sufficed to say, I am pretty pissed. What a waste of money! I have one more appointment to see him in August, so we will see what comes of this.

I am not holding my breath, basically because I have an aversion to dying.. but, I am still trying to maintain a level of hope that this appointment will be the turning point for me. I suppose, at this point, all I can do is hope. But I guess time will tell.

However, what do I do if nothing comes of this appointment? There is my problem. What do I do?! I feel like I have exhausted every avenue available to me, and I am still completely symptomatic and a lot chunkier than I would like to be. Cuz if nothing good comes from this appointment, then I think I am back to seeing my regular doctor, who really did nothing for me, and had to use google to diagnose me (weirdest moment in a doctors office, I swear!) But at least it is free.

I just want to be myself, and feel like myself again, you know? I guess if you don’t have any diseases like this, you won’t fully understand. But know this… it’s miserable feeling this way.

One day. Some how. Some way. Just keep going……

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