Fitting in…

 

So, in homage to my name here (misFITness) I decided to throw in a little post about fitting in.

Lately, I have been struggling a little with this (more so than usual). I feel like an outsider. As soon as I step outside of my house, I feel like my place in the world is a little blurry around the edges. I have my foot in many different places, but the rest of me is still very firmly outside. Some of these are for my own reasons, and some are out of my control.

Work, for instance. I have free access to the entire facility (a perk to my amazing job!) and up to this point, I have only participated in one class. I did one on-ramp class, and while I loved it, there have been some forces that have kept me from returning. I am nervous about getting in to it, I am worried that I won’t be able to do it, and I am unsure I will fit in with that group of people.

Beachbody…. I kind of feel like I have a foot and a half in it – I am all-in as far as helping people goes – but as far as fitting in with the people who are in the community? I am not so sure. Sometimes I feel like that’s my place, other times I feel like I am just a secondary player.

Even with my friends… I am one of those people who believes that quality is more important that quantity, so my circle is already quite small. So while I feel like I have a space in these peoples lives, I still feel like sometimes I am more of an afterthought than a key player. Sometimes I let it roll off of my back, but sometimes it stings a bit knowing that I am not part of the crowd as much as I used to be.

I just feel like a spectator in my own life most of the time.. How do I fix this? I think maybe I became too complacent and happy to sit at home and hang with my family, while the world went on around me. I am not saying I am a non-participator, or that I am lazy or any of that… For so many years, my life was totally tumultuous, and I longed for the day that I could be bored and just exist. And that is what I have now, so perhaps I revelled in it a bit too much that I removed myself from my own life? I think that is probably reaching…

All I know is, outside of the 4 walls of my house, I feel like I don’t really belong. It is sad and lonely, but I am working on finding my place. It isn’t a bad thing to feel this way – it just means that you are able to create a space where you belong.. right?

All I know is I am who I am.. and that is okay with me 🙂

 

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